Frequently asked questions (or: no, I’m not unemployed)

Being freelance means fielding some seriously infuriating comments and questions. Cath Janes blogged about this a while ago and it’s a topic that frequently comes up on Journobiz. Any freelancer can spout tales of being asked if they still haven’t managed to find a job or of people assuming it’s fine to just drop round any time because they’re not, you know, working or anything.

So here’s one possible set of answers to those questions (some irritating, some just a bit dim), all of which I have recently been asked.

So, you’re unemployed.
No, I’m self-employed. I earn money just like you, but I don’t have to ask someone else’s permission to go on holiday, glossy magazines are legitimate business expenses and I can relax in the knowledge that nobody is going to make me fill in a self-appraisal form.

You don’t actually have a job though, do you?
I have my own business. I have a trading name registered with HMRC and an accountant. But I don’t have to sit around trying to look busy if I finish all my work before 5pm and nobody monitors how much time I spend on Facebook. Except when I’m doing shift work, when I get to drink the office tea but am not expected to donate money when people I don’t know get married or older. Do I win?

But you don’t live in London, so you’re never going to get any big stories, are you?
Nah, I’ve only written for five national newspapers (plus one international one). It’s not like we have telephones, internet access or train stations outside London.

So who have you written for? Well, you have to start small, don’t you?
Yes. By talking to you. (Well, that’s what I wish I’d said. I was actually too gobsmacked to respond.)

So presumably you’re freelancing in the hope that someone will give you a job.
I have a job. If I wanted a job working for someone else I’d apply for one. I’m freelancing because it means I get paid to do something I enjoy without having to ask someone else’s permission to go on holiday.

We haven’t seen or spoken to each other in ten years but I’ve looked you up on Facebook so I can ask for all your contacts.
Tell you what, I’ll get back to you in ten years.

Maybe I should keep copies of your articles in case you make it big as a writer one day.
And by writer, you mean what exactly? What is it you think I’m doing now? Playing Scrabble?